Flash, bam, alakazam

 

My first Operating Manual, January 2023

There is a song by Nat King Cole that goes: 

"I was walking along, minding my business

When out of an orange-colored sky

Flash, bam, alakazam

Wonderful, you came by."

And this is how my Worthy Goal* became a reality - "Flash, bam, alakazam" - as a complete surprise. It does not look exactly like the dream I had, but it is close enough and special. I felt: 'Is this even possible?' 
 
My well-worded (and memorized) Worthy Goal* read: "I will join or create a community that is joyful and sustainable – good for the people and good for the planet".  Later, I made it into a meme so that I could visualize the feeling. It was published on The Conspiracy* site on January 13, 2023.

I'm pleased to announce that last month I joined an emerging community in Spain that is joyful, affordable and sustainable and good for the people and the planet. I am thrilled and ecstatic. I'm its 115th member, and if you'd like to hear the story, please keep reading below.

*The Conspiracy, Worthy Goal, and Operating Manual are terms used within a group of people who have read a book by Michael Bungay Stanier, “How to Begin,” - “how to make real progress on things that matter.” More info HERE

Flash, Bam, Alakazam

Three Years Ago

In January 2023, I joined the Conspiracy with one project in mind: to join or create a community that is joyful and sustainable – good for the people and good for the planet. It has been a recurring hope and dream.

From then on, I took many steps, some of which seemed to be all over the place and going in tangents.  During my first two chapters, I drafted a manifesto and created a keynote presentation to share with my family and friends what I was thinking. Essentially, I wrote down everything that I'd like for my ideal situation.

My amazing siblings, 2017

I presented it to my family, who thought it was fantastic —and also utopian—definitely a beautiful fantasy. "But not for me," they'd say.

One would not find rural life the right fit; others felt we were too old for this, while another couldn't think that far into the future. All shared different personal variations. In "Shark Tank" parlance, all of them called: I'm out! Yet, their logic didn't deter me at all.

Has It Already Been Forty-five Years?

In the land where I thought I'd be living

La Gran Sabana, 1981

It's been a long time coming, the dream. Since I was 17, I had a vision with my boyfriend at the time. We praised the joys of living in nature. We knew a perfect place. We envisioned creating an intentional community there, centered on education, art, food production, and more. He went to the jungle to make it happen, and I didn't.

Instead, I had the opportunity to attend a US university on a full scholarship, and I took that instead of moving to a pristine, beautiful land with rivers and perfect weather. Forty-three years later, I am still in the city I came to attend college, the foggy city by the bay, beautiful San Francisco. 

San Francisco, around 1995

Life happened. I raised my children here and supported myself through my own business, which catered to children and teachers, and found it very fulfilling. In San Francisco, I made friends with whom I play music. I have nature at my doorstep: the ocean that I visit almost every day. I have the mountains, the waterfalls, the rolling hills, the rugged coast. I also enjoy the jazzy joints, the quirky people, the rebels, the nerds, the disruptors, the opera, artists, entrepreneurs, and the diversity. I love San Francisco.

Yosemite, 2011

But also, I long for warmth, community, and affordability. My kids flew off the nest, and I don't have a neighbor to take me to the doctor if I'm in need. I cannot imagine myself at 80 with no help in this expensive city.  

Community is fleeting here. People come and go. San Francisco is a place for trying new things, being adventurous, starting a business, looking for gold, and breaking the rules, but it does not support regular folks—teachers, plumbers, nurses —and even less so as we age. Most of my friends have moved, or live farther across the bay, and my kids cannot afford to live here either.

Back to The Drawing Board 

Choroní, my happy place in Venezuela, 2017

Right before the COVID pandemic, I wrote "Twenty Years Is Nothing," a piece in which I described, with as much detail as possible, how I imagined myself in 20 years. I described my happy place in Venezuela.  Just so perfect! And, rather idealized. 

Next, I find the task of doing anything there daunting, under a dictatorship, with ever-rising inflation, lack of security or human rights guarantees. Way too hard to even think of it. The biggest stumbling block is how hard it would be for my kids to visit.  Nope!

Oaxaca 2022

I visited Mexico and fell in love with Oaxaca in particular.  I felt I could move there and see what would transpire.  I did not follow through; not enough impetus. That was the "latest and greatest" effort I did in person.  

My dream, 2023

My 3rd Operating Manual, 2023

In the meantime, I've been practicing methodologies for good living, self-understanding, my four brains, my demons, and hardwiring for happiness, as well as reiterating operating manuals. I've enlisted the help of coaches, groups, and webinars, and I have taken continuous steps towards refining my processes, planning, and organizing my Joyful Calendar. I keep busy trying to cultivate good habits, all of which often feel quite tangential. You get the picture.

Life continues. I focus on 1) learning about communities and community living, and 2) working towards a profitable online business that supports nomadic life. and 3) having fun! (I'm good at this). I practice by hopping from my mom's home to my home to my kids' homes and visiting possible places where to land later in life.

This Summer

Felix and I, 2010

Felix and I, fifteen years later, 2025

I had the golden opportunity to spend time with my 17-year-old grandson in Valencia, Spain, while he attended a music camp - this was truly great, a first for us, alone with no parents! I have never spent much time with him in a one-to-one situation- It was lovely.

Maru, Isabel and I, 2025

As usual, I connected with friends during my travels. Two high school friends and I, one whom I hadn't seen since I was 13 and another whom I saw maybe 10 years ago, gathered for paella.  We shared stories accompanied by tinto de verano.  The next day, Maru sends me an Instagram post about an ecovillage.  That same week, another friend sent me a post about that same ecovillage. Hmmm, I'm in Valencia, it is close by, about an hour away. Hmmm! I decide to visit.

Planes, Standing where I think my house is supposed to be, 2025

In a flash, I found a community that is "joyful, safe, affordable, good for the people and good for the planet." I felt it when I stepped into the land. 

In under two weeks, I joined the community and signed a membership that gives me the option for a home that will be built over the next couple of years.  

What?

Is this even possible? I am ecstatic. 

My judgmental self is calling me imprudent, and my free-bird self is encouraging me to go for it. I'm nervous. It is risky, and it requires a certain amount of trust, which my intuition says is a yes - we will make it happen.  I'm going for it!

Architectural rendering of the townhouse, 2025

One goal down. Now, on to the next Worthy Goal: building a community with my new neighbors.   

🌷

The Universe reminds me, again and again, how much dreams play a crucial role in making our wishes come true, and maybe,  it is also trying to point out how Operating Manuals are actually magical! "Flash, bam, alakazam" Ha ha ha!

Hope you enjoyed this true story.

Flash, bam, alakazam- what a surprise!

PS If you'd like to hear more about my newfound community, send me a message at rennea@mac.com

"Having kids meant that I had to show up for them the best way I could, every single day"

On how being a mom has enriched my world, ... and yours!

Familia in the 1980's

At 28, I already had three children. I worked as a textile designer from a rented flat on Dolores Street, and I supported our family from my freelancing earnings, with no extra help. Although I always seemed to find the next gig or the next client, I had no certainty, so I lived day to day with a permanent stress mulling in the background. I tell you, it was rough! Nerve-racking!

But on the surface and in the actual day-to-day,  stress was not what transpired at all.  Anyone who knows me can attest to my happy-go-lucky way of being. I attribute the "showing up happy" in big part to the responsibility of being a Mom.

Having kids meant I had to show up for them the best way I could every single day, as much as possible. And if some days this felt like acting, once I got into it, it flowed. Not only did it flow, but it grew and flourished.

Good spirits are a viral condition! My mind always returns to the joy I felt in the simple and not-so-simple moments of life. 

Familia in the 1990's

Making their lunches for school every day, preparing different sandwich flavors so they wouldn't get bored, kissing them good morning, reminding them how very special that day was, and telling them what they could look forward to.  Maybe it was gymnastics, conga, drum set, violin lessons, or just going to Golden Gate Park or to Ocean Beach to play. Perhaps that day I would be volunteering at their school, making embroidered flags for the Chinese New Year parade, or making the kids' wishes come true by designing and building a Halloween costume from scratch, which would take at least a month 😉 Or simply listening to books on tape in front of the fireplace, all four of us lying with pillows on the floor. Being a mom was the highest of my creative endeavors.

Years later, the joys became bigger in size and impact. It may have been waking up at 4 a.m. to take one to rowing practice at Lake Merced, driving 8 hours in one day to go snowboarding in Tahoe just for the day, or not going crazy after my novice driver crashed my new car. 

"Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive," as Johnny Mercer's song points out. I remember today more the enjoyment than the hardship. 

Familia in the 2000's

By the time I was  42, my work had reached a more predictable rhythm. The parenting juggling started to subside. Fewer balls in the air meant I had arrived at some acceptable balance. The kids were then 19, 18, and 15 and well on their way to adulthood, and although at those ages neither of us knew what was coming next, I was certain they were well prepared and ready to tackle life on their own. And so they did!

Familia in the 2020's

Today, it's their turn to approach mid-life: a project manager, nurse van lifer; a preschool teacher, queen of the climbing wall, mother of two teenagers; and a firefighter, ski patrol, restaurant owner, father of two young boys. They are masters at figuring things out. They are healthy and happy and have beautiful relationships. All three are in service to their communities and a gift to those around them. I feel so proud to be their mother.

¡Salud! I celebrate this day by taking some credit and honoring my most significant contribution: being a good mom to a beautiful family! 

Stepping Away On Election Day

November 2024

" I realized how much I was being affected about the outcome of the elections."

The video HERE 

On the day of the elections, I took off to Yosemite National Park to avoid the results and general commentary drama. I knew that the next few days would be a tangle of emotions, as if our bet in a horse race would change the outcome of our lives. I realized how much I cared about the results, but the reality is—was, has always been—that results are out of our control. 

I voted for the values I hold, donated to the campaigns with the intent that they would spread the word to undecided people, and discussed what I think with friends and family.  I did what I could. 

Why, then, would I feel so troubled if my choice didn't win? Why was I full of anxiety? Why was I taking it so seriously? Taking a step away helped me put things in perspective.

I care about women's reproductive rights; I care about protecting the environment, and I care that every kind of human being should feel safe and have their basic needs met.

I look at my circumstances—where I live, what my city is like, the state and the country where I live: a place filled with opportunities for most people, a haven of safety for many. I see the diversity of people—very different from me, with entirely different opinions—and yet I feel safe. 

Indeed, there is no reason for me to fret. I was happy to have some distance and take advantage of nature.

It was refreshing that the Wawona Hotel where I stayed had no TV in the lobby. Instead, there was a fireplace always lit and the fantastic piano player, Tom Bopp, in the lounge, telling stories and singing songs for an attentive crowd who every so often sang along whether the All-American Songbook, Noel Coward, Cole Porter, the Gershwin brothers or good ol' campfire songs. He played some Latin classics, and I sang with him Frenesí, Bésame Mucho, Solamente Una Vez and others.

In the morning, I would read until the sun had warmed the meadows right outside my window, and I went for long walks. I hopped from dome to dome—Sentinel Dome, Taft Point, Glacier Point—and visited the Giant Guardians—The Wawona Tunnel Tree, The Telescope Tree, The Galen Clark Tree—an upper grove of sequoias in the Mariposa Grove. I was practically alone once I passed Grizzly Tree since few wanted to keep climbing.

On the last day, I came down into the valley to watch the beautiful sights and photograph Half Dome for the nth time from yet another perspective. I ended up at the Awahnee and sat in the majestic lobby, enjoying the art and basketry, a piece of Stollen, and a warm fire for a bit before I headed home.  

Three things make me feel most fortunate: having Yosemite practically as my backyard, being able to step away from the mad current when I desired it, and actually doing it!

AMENAZA- La Segunda Flecha

24 de octubre, 2024, 2am

Hoy Avery recibió noticias de que tiene un quiste canceroso en el seno. Se me olvidó preguntar si en el derecho o en el izquierdo. Les describo en detalle la montaña rusa de reacciones al oír la palabra “cáncer” en relación a una persona a quien amo:

Primera reacción: sorpresa  

¿Me está sucediendo a mí? ¿Nos tocó a nosotros? Asombrada como si fuéramos inmunes. Y por supuesto hablo de Avery como si fuese yo misma porque la siento parte de mí. Si es algo súper común ¿porqué tanta sorpresa?- pero sí- ¡no lo puedo creer!

Segunda reacción: lógica 

Pues en nuestra experiencia, sabemos que … XXX . Ahora se me atraviesa por la cabeza TODO lo que sé de cánceres. Encapsulados o no, descubiertos a tiempo o no, benignos, malignos, cirugía, radiación, quimioterapia, los que sobrevivieron, los que murieron, grado IV, un cáncer muy raro o muy común, etc..  El punto es que mi lógica dice que esto es común, se resuelve, la mayoría de las mujeres continuan sus vidas sin problemas y punto: No hay problema, no hay que preocuparse. 

Tercera reacción: empatía 

¿Cómo te sientes? ¿Cómo te sentiste cuando te lo dijeron? ¿Estabas sola? - Cuando ella me lo dijo a mí hubo una leve grieta en su voz. Y como yo la conozco me atrevo a adivinar cómo se siente. Un poco en shock, aturdida, pero sin mucho drama. Por lo menos por los momentos ¡La corteza prefrontal domina! Pero hay algo de miedo.  O mucho miedo pero contenido en la lógica.

Cuarta reacción: preocupación por los otros

¿Cómo lo tomaron tus hijos? ¿Cómo le afectó a Tim? A veces es más fácil para la persona que está atravesando el reto lidiar con la situación que lidiar con la tragedia añadida de las otras personas quienes tienen miedo, pavor, o quieren ayudar, o no saben cómo actuar y sus pánicos te los irradian de vuelta para demostrarte lo mucho que les importas. Difícil.

Quinta reacción: acción 

Manos a la obra, es mi modus operandi, mi reacción innata: ¿qué hacemos al respecto? ¿Cómo atendemos a la parte física? Cirugía, radiación, quimio, Hágase lo que se necesite, ¡a planear ya! Eso va por cuenta de los doctores. Pero nosotros, ¿qué podemos hacer?  ¿Cómo atendemos la parte emocional?

Recuerdo el cuento de la segunda flecha. 

La segunda flecha se refiere a una historia del Buda, quien decía que la primera flecha es lo que nos causa la herida, algo que no podemos evitar. Pero la segunda flecha son todas las emociones, aversiones, tergiversaciones, que nosotros le añadimos, y esas añadiduras son cosas que SI podemos influenciar.

 

Sexta reacción: confianza

Nuestra familia es bastante estoica, pienso yo, bastante libre de melodrama. ¡Es lo que es! ¡Tranqui! Eso se cura fácil.

Séptima reacción: duda

Pero por más lógicas que seamos o por más sabias que actuemos la palabra cáncer, tiene una connotación visceral universal que grita: emergencia, peligro, dolor, posibles complicaciones, muerte. La palabra en sí da miedo. ¿qué pasa si…?

Octava reacción: jarabe de lengua auto medicado

"Muchas personas que han pasado por esa experiencia están hoy en día perfectamente saludables y sus casos fueron peores. Fulanita, y Sutanita ,y Perenceja, etc. etc." "Es parte de la vida, es natural" "Somos capaces de afrontar cualquier cosa juntos." Yari, yari, yari 

Novena reacción: falta de control

Pero es que, a pesar de todo lo que sé,  solamente el concepto pasando por la mente acecha.  Amenaza como cuando te dicen- “¡no te estoy haciendo nada!” y están a 3 centímetros de tí listos para hacerte algo. Cuando Avery se ve un tuyuyo no puede dejar de pensar que es algo muy malo que se encuentra bajo su piel listo para desparramarse por su cuerpo.  La idea me perturba el sueño. A ella probablemente más aún.

Es por eso es que estoy aquí dándole al papel y a la pluma a las 2 de la mañana.

Décima reacción: calma

Después de la recorrida sube-y-baja me recuerdo a mí misma que a final de cuentas, en este instante, estoy en cama, calentita y cómoda. No me duele nada. Avery está bien y a ella tampoco le duele nada. Ella está haciendo lo que tiene que hacer.  Ya sabe que pasará por sus montañas rusas de emociones. Guerra avisada no mata soldado. Así como yo las siento y las estoy describiendo, ella tendrá las suyas.  Me sirve verlas en papel. Esa segunda flecha amenazante no se puede obviar. Pero por los momentos, bueno, puedo cerrar el cuaderno y dormir un ratico mas.

El perturbador de salud y sueños.